He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
