guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
