I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
