so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
