she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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