Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
