Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
