she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
