i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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