Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
