He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sarcasm needs its own font
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
