She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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