I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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