When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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