Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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