pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
