I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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