And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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