Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
