Moan for me like Helen Keller
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
