I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
