Someone shit on the floor
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
