Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
