i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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