Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
