so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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