FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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