Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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