Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
