Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
false alarm, still single
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
