my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
