I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
