One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
