You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
