my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm like, not good at living.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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