You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
