i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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