It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
