We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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