there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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