So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
