..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
