I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
