Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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