Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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