I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
