I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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