I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
