fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
