Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
