Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
