Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
