I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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