Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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