Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
