im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
