Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
